FLASHBACK, PEOPLE!
In my first year of teaching, I learned a valuable lesson: Never try to break up a fight between students. Especially if they are girls.
If you recall, my first teaching assignment was at a school where "Lean of Me II: Electric Whatthef*ck" would have taken place. It was designed by someone whose portfolio consisted of multiple prisons and thought that having a school without windows was a great idea. It was a real f'in beauty, this place.
I think because it lacked windows, it upped the crazy within some of the students. That's why I totally swear by vitamin D. Fights occurred often, but my students rarely got involved. They were the youngest in the school and would have been complete morons to try to start something with older students.
Oh, but there are always exceptions to rules, aren't they?
Baby D (that was the nickname she gave herself and would refuse to answer me if I didn't refer to her by it) really, really, really hated A-Swag (this girl totally didn't understand why people called her "Ass Wag," but hellooooo No Child Left Behind). It seems that A-Swag "disrespected" Baby D because she beat her in Pokemon and bragged about it to the other 8th graders.... Yep.
Tensions grew between the two for weeks until Baby D vowed one day she was going to "beat Ass Wag's ass down." I grew concerned, because I didn't want any of my kids to get themselves hurt. We didn't get along, per se, but I still cared very much about them.
The day was nearly over and Baby D did not make her move, so I was a bit relieved. Of course, I shouldn't have put my guard down. During my prep period (read: the 40 minutes a day I spent crying in the library), I heard a huge commotion in a stairwell.
I raced over to a crowd of about 30 students shouting and cheering on Baby D and A-Swag. The two were pummeling each other. I had never seen anything like it.
The whole shebang kind of looked like this:
(Note: These people were fighting over tacos, so I totally support whoever started it. You don't just skip someone in line when they are craving tacos. Ever)
Hair was pulled, nails dug into skip. I mean, this was brutal.
I decided to put on my Superman face and get between the two to break it up. I put my arms out to shield their attacks from each other, but did not take into account that this probably would not make them stop. At all. Instead, I spent the next ten or so seconds getting my head beat in by these girls who didn't even realize I was there. My head was probably knocked around six or seven times and, when the two girls were finally subdued by their friends, I fell to the ground.
In front of 30 middle schoolers...who all began laughing hysterically. Yeah...clearly, I was the coolest teacher they ever had.
When Baby D realized what had happened, she apologized profusely but added, "Mr. Vest, you really shouldn't get in between two girls when they have to settle something."
"Duly noted, D-----"
"Excuse me?"
"Baby D...."
"Mmmhmm...that's what I thought you said."
If there had been a window close by, I would have jumped out of it.
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