A few beverages were imbibed (Lime-aid, I swear) and people danced their pretty little faces off. Taking into account that I am getting incredibly old (read: 27), by the time 12:30am came around I was ready to hit the hay. I left with two school friends of mine who eventually flagged down a taxi. Instead of going with them, I decided to simply walk home because that's what a real man does. He walks.
They obliged and I began in the direction of my apartment. I mapped out how far it was on my phone and gulped when I realized it was two miles away. Curse my manliness.
It was a warmer night than usual, so there was a bit of spring in my step. Several meters ahead of me, I noticed a gentleman who continuously looked back in my direction. I didn't think much of it, thinking he was probably trying to hail a cab.
I was wrong.
The frequency of his head turning sped up. His glances began to take the form of studied looks. Concern began to arise within me, because I was convinced he was about to rob me. A game plan began to shoot through my head, which mainly involved me screaming and running in the opposite direction.
I could have crossed the street, but Iwasscaredoutofmymindpeopleshutup.
Eventually, he ducked into what I thought was a street. As I inched closer, I realized that this was not a street, but a very creepy parking lot for a mechanics business. I got my keys out, ready to strike (because a key would cause a lot of damage, apparently).
Then, I passed the lot.
And there was the guy.
Sitting with his pants down in full view and barking at me to come "help him out."
Um...I mean, really, what did this guy expect me to do? Say, "Oh yes! I thought you'd never ask!" and recreate a scene from "Queer as Folk?" My standards aren't that high, but come on....
Instead of giving this gentleman what he wanted, I shouted, "NO!" and ran up my street. arms failing in all directions.
To quote En Vogue-and really, shouldn't we all?-
Lesson learned: Always take a cab.
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