Farting.

I work at a school with limited opportunities to use the facilities. I have to go hours before being able to "go." And sometimes you need to go.

Occasionally, sometimes you have to let it rip. We all do it and this is where teaching comes in handy. I'm very strategic about passing gas in the classroom, so allow me to share what works.

Here are options:
1) Pretend that you have to make a parent phone call and walk into the hallway. As you dial the fake number (like, 867-5309) away from your students' earshot, let it go. Allow it to waft away for a bit and walk back into the classroom, claiming that you "left a message."

2) Wait for the whole class to be all together. This can be achieved on a carpet for a read-aloud lesson or waiting in line to go to another class or lunch. Fart. Either the children will not notice or they will think the weird kid did it. Either way, you are scott free.

3) If your fart makes a noise, blame any kid around you. Say things like, "That is disgusting," or, "My goodness! Go to the restroom." Given the option to leave the classroom, the kid will not put up a fight.

Trust me. These all work.