Run for your life, children!

So, I'm a track coach this summer. I know...former fat kid who used to cheat during the mile run is now forcing kids to run around a track in the Brooklyn summer heat.

It's pretty awesome. Mainly because I'm in charge.

We have two groups of track stars. The groups couldn't be any more different. The first batch is full of diva-like 3rd graders who gossip and complain about the heat. "IT'S JULY! In NEW YORK. Deal with it," they hear in return. Frankly, I'm not a huge fan of this group (despite the fact that it has some of my own students in it). I don't like complaining from kids because then it's not cool if I complain. I hate having to be a "grown up" sometimes.

A grown up who makes students turn in their Silly Bandz so he can wear them.

They are loud and obnoxious, but at least they are fast. One of the kiddos is so fast that she has quickly become a legend amongst the other children. They say, "[This student] is so fast she could beat Mr. Vest!"

"No she can NOT!"
"Then run against her!"
"No!"
"Why not?"
"Because I have a masters degree."

That always get 'em to shut up. Truthfully, I would totally eat this girl's dust. But I'm just so manly that I would never put myself in the situation where I have to compete against a 9 year old. Who will beat me.

The second group is full of characters and are slow as shit. But they are good humored about it. One of them looks like a human version of Arthur the Aardvark and another might as well be running backwards.

It being 95 degrees most days, the kids have to put up with a lot of heat. Often, they don't dress accordingly. They have the chance to wear shorts and school t-shirts during the summer, but some kids still come with long sleeve shirts and pants.

One child, we'll call him Friedrich, decided that it would make the most sense to roll his pant legs up past his knees to stave off the heat. I took one look at him and audibly guffawed. He looked like the Lonely Goatherd.

"Hey, Friedrich...where is your edelweiss?"
"Huh?"
"Where is your nanny, Maria?"
"Maria? Who? What?"
"Don't you just want to burst into song?"
"This isn't music class, Mr. Vest. This is track."

Darn kids and their lack of knowledge of films from 1965...

This Thursday, they will all compete in a track meet. Here's hoping a few of them won't run the wrong way this year.