Pit Sweat

Summer school is upon us and with that, the fear of pit stains. Yes, yes....too many posts are about bodily fluids and functions but they come with the territory.

It hit 102 degrees in Brooklyn today, which means that I didn't want to do diddly-squat. I would have been incredibly happy with a chilled Bloody Mary, a five hour Real Housewives marathon and a place in front of an A/C. Instead, I traipsed down the slope to our school drenched in sweat before it even hit 6:30am.

Joy.

I could have been thinking about the heat, or my excitement about taking a cold shower later...but I was more concerned with my wardrobe.

You see, I have a bit of a sweat problem. Rather, one part of my body has a sweat problem. An intense sweat problem. While my left arm pit sweats in a rather normal fashion, my right arm pit beats to its own drummer.

I mean, it's like offensive. It practically pours out like a fire hydrant. A fire hydrant that they have to have people fix because it's working too well. In short, it's freakin' gross.

My students always point this out to me, to the point that I teach many lessons with my arms close to my body like a T. Rex. The students giggle and point at times, which makes me shoot back with, "Just wait! In three years this will happen to you and you won't be able to stop it. EVER."

I have to make sure my wardrobe is just the right color in order for the pit stains be hidden. I'm in a constant search for the right deodorant. It shouldn't be this hard, you know. Alas, this is the curse I have been given. That, and the poor eyesight, misshaped skull and penchant for accidentally breaking other people's things.

Oh yeah, my pants split down the groin. Thank GOD I wasn't wearing anything remotely skimpy or else the day would have been a complete crap shoot.