Remember Little J? He was that klepto kid from "Trinkets."
Little J has a semi-obsession with being viewed as "the weird kid." I truly think he goes out of his way to make people look him square in the eye and tell him, "You are making me feel really awkward right now." Like, calling me his "daddy" awkward.
His response to that tends to be a wry smile, a shrug of the shoulders and a "that's your viewpoint." He also enunciates way too well for a ten year old.
Anywho- cut to a few days ago he approaches me with a query.
J: "Uh, Mr. Vest? Can I call you my daddy?"
Mr. Vest: "No, for the ninth time this week you can not call me daddy."
J: "Mother?"
Mr. Vest: "That's even worse. No, do not refer to me as your mother."
J: "Can I give you any nickname?"
Mr. Vest: "That depends on it it is flattering or not."
J: "Jimmy Kimmel?"
Mr. Vest: "Absolutely not."
J: "My fairy godmother."
Mr. Vest: "Are you joking?"
Random Kid: "Yeah, he aint no fairy."
(awkward silence from me)
J: "Fine then, how about fairy godfather?"
Mr. Vest: "I'm thinking we should just drop the whole 'fairy' thing."
This makes Little J return to his seat and put on his thinking cap. Clearly, his little brain is working hard and after a few minutes he returns to me. He agrees that he shouldn't refer to me by any of those names, but asks if he can call my co-worker, let's call her Ms. Awesome, his 'own personal fairy godmother.' Knowing that Ms. Awesome and I talk about this kid constantly (and that he office is right near my classroom), I agree.
Mr. Vest: "In fact, go tell her right now."
J: "Righty-o Major Dad."
I ignore this nickname (and the fact that he has referenced a defunct late 80s/early 90s comedy series) and return to the rest of my, not-as-awkward children.
After a few minutes, Little J returns and Ms. Awesome walks by my classroom with a look of amusement/uncomfortableness. Later, she recounts their conversation:
J: "Ms. Awesome, Mr. Vest told me that I could call you my fairy godmother."
Ms. A: "Well, how nice. Of course I will be your fairy godmother."
J: "And now that you are my fairy godmother, I have a wish that I wish you to grant."
Ms. A: "Ok, ask away."
J: "May I sniff your shoe?"
(beat)
Ms. A: "I'm going to need you to leave my office now."
Kids are weird.
Yes, the posts are AWESOME and yes, I consider myself incredibly lucky to have experienced this first-hand. However, the best part of each of your blog posts, Mr. Vest, is the tags at the bottom. Take note: say what? (which is necessary in this case)/shoe fetish (you know what they say...if it starts young...)/weird kids (each and every one of them!).
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