Upping the Ante

Because I was a fat kid, the only place I could be competitive was through academics. You are aware of this if you are a loyal reader to this here blog. I needed to be the best at all times, and if I could, I would throw anyone under the bus that would get in my way.

That is, if I could even lift anyone to throw them. I wasn't sporting guns on my biceps. They were more like water pistols. Empty water pistols.

One of the more memorable competitions was in 4th grade, the first year we were given letter grades instead of "Very good" (happy, happy) and "Satisfactory" (shameful, just shameful). Our teacher, Ms. O was really into maps. Her enthusiasm spilled into our classroom, as we were constantly learning about different countries. It was here that my appreciation for other cultures and societies began to grow.

After every Social Studies test, she offered us a bonus sheet that was a map of the world. For an extra bonus point each, you could label as many countries and capitals as possible. I didn't think much of it the first time, but I spent the greater part of the test labeling countries, rivers, and mountains. I labeled a fair amount and turned the exam in, thinking nothing of it.

The next day, Ms. O notified the class that she had graded the exams and was going to read out any one's scores that were above 100. Several students scored in the 105-110 region, while two others were between 115-120. The rest of the class "ooh"-ed and "aww"-ed at these high scores.
Then, she got to my score. "Mr. Vest....139."

The rest of the class gasped. I'm not even kidding you- they did. Me? I sat there like a smug bastard. Oh course I got a 139.

Ms. O then decided to write my score on the lop right hand corner of the chalk board. "I'm going to keep that score up there until someone beats it." There was a quiet murmur in the class.

With that simple gesture, Ms. O had created a monster. An insanely competitive, map-labeling monster.

Yeah, I was clearly extremely popular.

What I didn't expect was for anyone to challenge me. Oh, how I was wrong...because in walks LS.
LS was just as crazy as me in relation to grades. I was also head-over-heels in love with her. In the way only a 4th grader can be. Like...I would pretend we were dating and when I would see her talking to another boy, I'd get jealous with rage. So much so that I would be totally passive aggressive with her.

"Oh, fine. I mean sure you can use my pencil, but I'm going to need it back. Along with all of the lead. I may check. For serious."

I also used stuffed animals to practice making out just in case she would realize we were meant to be together. Sadly, this never ended up happening. But that teddy bear got a lot of action.

ANYWAY....

My "139" stayed up there from October to March, when LS beat me to the punch with a 152. She remained at the top of the board until May. I simply knew that I had to have that final score. I just had to and, if not, all of my life's dreams and aspirations would go up in smoke.

So, I studied. I memorized. I ate pizza. All of these were essential to my success. Especially the pizza.

The final exam came and for the life of me, I can't remember what the content of it was. All that was important to me (and LS) was the map. Ms. O knew we were battling and egged us on (as good teachers do), letting the class know a "clash of the map titans" was ahead of us. God, we were nerds.

See, recess always came directly after Social Studies- but there would be no swinging or hop-scotch today. Oh, no. Today, there would be country capitals and trying to correctly spell Kazakhstan. The end of the class was approaching and we begged Ms. O to let the both of us stay in to continue. She obliged, probably thinking we were freaks.

Throughout the process, we gave each other the look of death. "You are going dowwwwwwn," LS threatened me from across the room. "Marry me," is what was going on in my head.

The next day at school, tensions ran high as the results were going to be announced at the end of the day. I could barely contain my stress, going as far as begging Ms. O to give me a hint as to who scored the highest. "In due time, my scholar," she said. What a peach.

The time had arrived. Ms. O brought her grade book to her podium and sighed. She told us the time had come and the record had been not only broken, but shattered. A quiet murmur began in the classroom. She began reading scores, beginning with two students that scored a 172 and 175. Whatever. That was child's play, for I knew I was a hell of a lot higher than that.

After reading off the scores, she left off both LS and me. LS and I exchanged glances, hers with scorn, mine with scorn-disguised-as-eternal love. She began with mine.

"Mr. Vest scored a 214."

The crowd went ape shit. "YES! YES! I am a map machine!" bellowed through my mouth and into the classroom. The cheering lasted a good half-minute, Ms. O allowing it because I was the king of the castle. LS put her head down, unsure of what to make of the moment. I felt sadness for her, as all of her hard work to beat me did not pay off in the end. It was okay, though, because we would be married soon and have a dog named Henry.

But, on no...Ms. O was not done. She put her hand up to calm the class down. "We have one more score."

Shit.

LS perked her head up and brightened immediately.

"LS scored 221."

Double-shit. I had lost. By a measly seven points. She managed to find seven more countries than me and I was devastated. The king was kicked out of the castle as fast as he had arrived. LS beamed and, while I was upset I was not the winner, it did make me happy to see LS excited and proud. Young love.

Ms. O notified the both of us that, because of the sheer ridiculousness of our score, she would keep both of them on the board until they were beaten.

For the rest of our time at our grade school, no one beat that score. To my knowledge, no one had ever beaten it until I left high school for college. I suppose I could take this one of two ways. On one hand, it's been absurd that anyone anywhere would get a test score of that magnitude. On the other hand, it's kind of awesome that a teacher would allow it to happen.

I'm not really sure what LS is up to these days, but I hope she's thought about this moment once or twice. It's kind of rare that one would get in a battle of wits over who would have the highest score in the 4th grade. But, that's just who we were. Or are, for that matter.