Just a little misunderstanding

Kids are funny. Especially when it's unintentional.
Actually, kids are only funny when it's unintentional.

I have a file on my computer that documents either amusing or unfortunate things my students have said. When I taught middle school, it was entitled, "Funny Sh*t My Kids Say," mainly because "sh*t" was a word that periodically came out of their mouths.

Now, with 4th graders (my current class), it's a little different. They don't say words like "sh*t"- they say "poo." They don't say, "Shut the f*ck up"- they say, "You are hurting my feelings, please stop." They don't say, "I'm gonna bust you UP"- they say, "Mommy? I mean- Mr. Veth?"
Occasionally, I'll add a post with just a simple quote from a child and a brief description of them so you get the context. Today, let's focus on one of my 4th graders from last year. Let's call him R.

R exists in his own world. And it's a world I would like to inhabit. When he came into my class, he rarely spoke and instead wanted to spend the day connecting markers end to end and pretend to be in a saber duel. (Awesome points: 1). He would also draw comic books where he was a superhero and I was his noble sidekick where every one ended with my character saying, "You done good, Captain R. You done good." (Awesome points: 5).

Several people informed me that they believed R had a very mild case of Aspergers. What a perfect fit! Why? Because I'm kind of sort of maybe convinced I, too, have some mild form of it. I don't know if it's the fact that I can spout off usefull movie trivia and the box-office gross of just about any thing released after 1980 (because knowing that is cool, dammit) or it was that damn Aspergers-centered movie "Adam" with the dreeeeeeeamy Hugh Dancy, but I felt like R and I were kindred spirits.

He was never really able to work in groups, so his desk was situated in front of mine so I could 1) keep an eye on him and 2) be around him because it made me feel that much cooler.

One day, I was busying myself with punching holes in papers that I would pass out later in the day. *Side note- if I could have a job where I simply staple and punch holes in papers all day I would be in HEAVEN.* I noticed that R was simply transfixed by what I was doing.

As a visual, this is the device I was using: Lovely, isn't it?

N E WAY....R was all about this device. Cue the following exchange:

R: "What are you doing?"
Vest: "I'm punching holes, R. What does it look like I am doing?"
R: "You're supposed to punch holes with that?!"
Vest: "Yes...."
R: "Man, I thought that was a foot massager."
Vest: (beat) "R...why would I have a foot massager on my desk?"
R: "I don't know. You never know when you are going to want a foot massage."
Vest: "R, it's just a three hole punch."
(taking off his shoe)
R: "Here. Let me show you how I can use it as a foot massager."
Vest: "No. Put your shoe back on."

(Awesome points: 25)